Wednesday, January 26, 2011


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Per Murr, I’ve been eating prolific amounts of oatmeal and yogurt on a daily basis, so when my week’s supply ran out today, I had to hoof it to the market before the crowd surged. At 1:00pm, the snow had just begun to fall—the commencement of yet another winter storm—and the great milk and bread rush would, no doubt, soon be in full tilt.

I’m no Chionophobic, quite the contrary, however I loath the inevitable confluence of panic-stricken personages at the grocery, so I don’t ordinarily food shop pre-blizzard. But dammit, I needed more than milk and bread. I needed oatmeal. And yogurt. I had a real emergency.

So there I was at Dave’s, where parking was miraculously still available. It seemed people had actually pre-prepared for this one. How lucky. I tucked my reusable bags under my arm and sashayed (yes, that's right, sashayed—I am a snow goddess, I am Khione herself, lady of mountain gales, I sleep in frozen vapor, ask hubby, he controls the thermostat) my way inside. And while there, at Dave’s, why not throw a few veggies in the cart for good measure? Oh, and the salmon was on sale; as were the blueberries (remarkably!). I was enjoying myself so much that I poured myself a cup of coffee and spent a little time with the cheese.

Over at the deli a small crowd was forming, the ticket dispenser wildly whirling, numbered-pink-paper-slips fluttering to the floor. The market was swelling, and I realized I’d have to pick up my pace before I melted. (Make no mistake; one must execute extreme finesse under such occasion.)

So, favoring perimeter shopping, I circumvented the deli—it’s much healthier, anyway—and made my way to the picked-clean milk section. All of this, mind you, in a matter of fifteen minutes, or so it seemed. A few yogurts lay sideways in the cold case, and I grabbed the last of them.

I pushed my small cart around the final corner, down the aisle, toward the cash registers, whereupon... to great alarm... there, I did see: an overflowing stream of basket-pushing buggers at check-out.  I began to melt. I did. I was flushed. I tugged at my scarf. I needed to get back out in the frost, in the snow, onto God's white earth. Fhark! I had spent too much time with the cheese! (Which is the very problem to begin with.)

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Just then—as I was about to evaporate into an ocean of hysteria—I found a hole. Right there, in the other lane. Other people saw it, too, but no one was making a move. I looked about at agitated shoppers, wondering if jumping in the hole was a good idea. I paused, spied around once more, lowered my head, darted through the line and into the little culvert. I was there, right at the register, and I hadn't even cutoff anyone! Honest. It was as if the stream had parted its rising tide, and waved me through the watershed. Though some shoppers looked at me with envy, none dared cross the divide, and so I felt immediate relief.

Bags were packed tight, and I glided outside—the air so chilly, such solace—sashaying my way back to the chariot, where I gathered the reins, and headed, victoriously, into the valley of glaciers...

...without the oatmeal.

And school is closed tomorrow...


  1. I sooo hate going to a store and forgetting something. Sounds like the shopping is a little hectic there.

  2. Wonderful explanation of shopping before a storm. Luckily I had already gone shopping the day before. I did manage to get oatmeal, but the yogurt was picked clean. Thanks for stopping by my site. As you can see its pretty cold and miserable where I'm at to.

  3. Aackkk! Your deck looks like the one we had in Alaska! I've got a picture of me, in beautifully coordinated pink snow gear, snowblowing that deck that looked down through the woods to the Eagle River below. Makes me Alaskasick.

    "Murr is expert at so many things", the blogger said wistfully.

  4. This is a great reminder of why I moved to Florida! ) Hope you manage to restock your oatmeal soon.

  5. now this makes me think of eating just oatmeal and yogurt.. very healthy! i need to lose some holiday pounds so i really need to go an a serious diet here. i wish you manage to warm and comfortable there!:)

  6. I can't hardly TELL you how much I enjoyed this post. I was right there. The waves of panic, joy, pathos, heat, constipation...all rolled out for our delectation. We just came back from a superior meal at a restaurant four miles away and done by foot; and if we went back there and back again, twice over, we'd have us a REAL good start on digestion. As it is, oh well--there's always oatmeal tomorrow. You too, doll.

  7. Just lovely Jayne.

    I was carried along by this tale. So glad you found an empty checkout. In those circumstances, that's what I'd call a RESULT!

  8. We got a foot of snow here last night too. Alas, a rogue, racing town plow truck clipped our mailbox at about 80 mph and that mailbox is now history :/

  9. This made me laugh. Sashay, indeed. I know all too well that realization that I've forgotten to pick up the one thing that lured me from home and slippers in the first place. And you had such good intentions. Oatmeal! Not dark chocolate? Impressive...

  10. We've had a bunch of days like that around here. People get nasty at the store when snow's coming.

  11. Michelle- It's been a long time since we've had a winter like this, so there have been a lot of mad dashes to the market. But this was my first. Crazy!

    JLY- Worse are the astronomical heating bills. I do love cold and good storm, but not oil heat.

    Nance- I should put a pic up of how my deck looks today. Amazing. Sends me right back to the blizzard of '78. I've never been to Alaska (would like to, though), and I wonder if we might not have more snow than the Last Frontier this year?! And pink suit... you do like to blend in the landscape, eh? ;)

    Jane- Got more oats today! FLA is beautiful, but I think I'd miss the New England seasons, no? No, maybe not at some point...hmmm, sure do like to visit the south.

    NoFu- there's more coming!

    Maria- I'm working on the healthy diet thing. It's tough w/this sweet tooth.

    Murr- Done by foot?! Hugh? That's working for your meal. And I'll be very effective, too. I'm back on the diet. Even added a few extras (pas fromage). Those poop posts are fabulous...

    SF- my first hot flash at the super. The house is now very well stocked.

    Joanne- Damn those rogue, racing town plow trucks. Send them the bill!

    Seré- Oh, trust me, there's plenty of chocolate in this pantry. I'm quite amazed I haven't yet written about it...

    Susan- And I don't even like to shop. I was so flustered that I somehow lost my list. I am nothing without my lists!

  12. The HUMANITY!!! I hope you fare well without the oatmeal.
    Wifefish loves the cold much as you do, though I'm not sure she's ever sashayed through it. Frolic, yes. Sashay, I'm not so sure.
    Me? I like warm beaches. :)

  13. This is very entertaining stuff, because it's so true! I happen to hold employment at the most popular grocery store in Amarillo. It is THE place to buy groceries. Anybody who is ANYBODY buys their oatmeal there.
    When we get word of snow around here, the same sort of panic ensues. People's eyes glaze over and they push, shove and snap at each other like hungry zombies.

  14. I feel your frustration. I don't even care to count how many times I've forgotten things at the store.

  15. DB- Wifefish must Sashay. Adds a whole new dimension.

    Nessa- working "at the most popular grocery store in Amarillo" you must have some pretty colorful stories to tell. Please do!

    T. Anne- I try to compensate w/lists, but I'm always losing them! There must be an easier way. I suppose I could make a list in my Blackberry but, ugh!, that's yet another learning curve.

  16. What an enjoyable little read! This post is the stuff that makes mundane life magic-like...the lens of skilled wordsmith.

  17. Openings in a check-out line are definitely one of life's little pleasures. I like oatmeal too, but i put almonds, raisins, a little honey, and vanilla soy milk on mine.

  18. Hahaha...what a great read. Yeah, I was doing the same sort of thing a few weeks ago, yet was legging it to the local food and/or junk dispensary before the summer heat bore down upon me and fried my poor grey mattter (see? I'm already affected, using three t's in a row like some crazed Ikea copywriter).
    Where was I going there? Oh yeah, great description of the simple task of buying a few basic victuals.
    Love the pics too, that last one looks like a giant ice cream cake on the bench. cream. I'm gonna have me some of that for breakfast. Well, it's really hot and it been proved by some scientist somewhere that ice cream is good for you. So there.
    Hey thanks for stopping by and making nice comments with me. I'll be back ;)

  19. Lee- my favorite kelpie, thanks so much!

    Snowbrush- oh, you like oatmeal w/attitude. I like that.

    Dan- Summer heat a few weeks ago? You bum. Love the image of the crazed Ikea copywriter. Perfect.