Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Brushing Up

From Max's Art Journal

Yesterday I saw the GI specialist in Boston. Months of pain has held me hostage from feeling well, and emotionally, it's taken its toll. My refusal to undergo the usual diagnostic course of action (you know, the 50+ poke and scope plan) has been unproductive, I know, and it's time to take a deep breath and say, Fuck it. Alright, already, I'll book it! Let's start with something light, though, shall we? Like the endoscopy? Can we start there, please?

I'm a terrible patient. Fortunately, my mother-in-law introduced me to a doctor who is remarkably patient. Still, I'm not a pretty sight in the doctor's office. When Doc told me blood had to be drawn I nearly cowered in the corner, and I was glad M-I-L had left the room by then. And when we talked procedures, I think the good doctor understood that he was going to have to hold my hand. I know this is a teaching hospital, but no fellows! I said. I am paying for him, after all.

Anyway, what I'm doing here today, on this little blog, is taking a break from the penciled notes and sketches I've been making in my lined notepad (where I'm making progress, my friends!). The flip side of the front durable-covered, college-ruled pad has two columns. One lists Parts of Speech, and the other, Punctuation. At the very bottom is a list of Figures of Speech. And why I hadn't noticed this until today I do not know. 

Except to say...

Punctuation: apostrophe ('), colon (:), comma (,), period (.), exclamation point (!). You see what caught my eye? No, not the period (.). I've no longer any use for them... No, it was one particular punctation: colon (:). Colon: COLON! 

I'm searching for the metaphor under Figures of Speech. (:) When perhaps, I should be looking for a simile? (:)

A brush is like a pen is like a pencil is like a scope: All tools of the trade. (:)


(Natchez Steam Colliope--Sugar Blues)

40 comments:

  1. I am Brazilian and I am following your blog, you can follow me too?

    www.jaylsonbatysta.blogspot.com

    abraço!

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  2. Apparently, Jaja is into (:)s!

    I, too, am a horrible patient. I try to be the doctor, but, even with my brilliant medical mind and all the dubious resources of the internet, I can't scope myself, so...that's probably my whole problem.

    Oh, no. Everything I think of to say is turning itself into a pun.

    Drugs. That's all I'm sayin'.

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  3. I'm a horrible patient, too. My plea is for the doctor to just put me under for everything. Even the blood work, but they won't do that you know, so I just have to suck it up and act right so they don't get too happy about jabbing me with those needles!
    I hope all your needles go in smoothly ;)

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  4. owch pain sucks - it can also be kind of painful. Hope you feel better soon, Jayne.

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  5. that made me feel happy. I hope you feel happy soon.

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  6. Oh, dear. My husband is about to undergo those same tests, for gatrio issues that have been plaguing him a long time too, and like you, he's biting the bullet, and not happily. I wish I could hold both your hands!

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  7. Oh Jayne, you sound just like me. I'm an awful patient. Thank God, I have a great doctor.

    Recently, I had a diverticulitis attack, almost mistaken for appendicitis. Diverticula are almost "always" on the left side, of course, go figure, mine is on the right...just above where my appendix is located. The diverticulitis was a tricky one to diagnose. An emergency CT scan revealed the problem. The tech and doctor had "never" seen it on the right side...haha. Heavy duty antibiotics, pain pills, and a change in diet took care of the infection.

    Btw, I had pain on my right side, on and off, for about a year. It would come and go - just like a thorn in my side. Then, it got infected. I ran a low grade fever for about a week before the pain got extremely bad. I couldn't stand it. I was finally relieved to find out it was diverticulitis and not something worse. I kept putting off getting it checked out.

    I hope you feel better soon. Just give in...the poke and scope are coming.

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  8. So sorry to hear you've not been feeling well. Hand yourself over to the docs and tell them to be gentle.

    I hope you start to feel better again very soon.

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  9. Not a big deal- go for it! My sister and I both went last spring (not together, but that would have been fun). I came home and had the best nap EVER. They gave me too much sedative (oops!) and I was revealing more about my husband's "gas" habits than the nurse probably needed to hear.
    That was REALLY a good nap.
    It's good that you're listening to your body's signals and getting things checked. I hope you feel better soon.

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  10. laughing. the sight of a colon makes me queasy. give me a semi-colon any say.

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  11. Jayne,

    Lets not pull a Steve Jobs here. Get it done and get on with your life. The key word being life.

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  12. Jaja- Well thanks for dropping in. I'll be by for a visit. :)

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  13. Nance- Yes. (:) ;). I can't see it but I can feel the cringe when I mention I've been reading... Even though laptops have moved into the examining rooms, I'm guessing doctors aren't eager to discuss the horrors we're all finding online.

    Scope yourself! Some day, I'll bet. And I think this post lends itself to pun detritus. ;)

    Drugs. :)

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  14. Nessa- I wonder what the ratio of good to bad patients is?? I think we're probably in the majority. Now see, if I weren't so anxious about anesthesia, I'd do the same t thing, but that stuff scares the living crap (excuse the pun!) out me. Oh, that's the point, right?!

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  15. David- Yes, I've arrived at the age of "everything aches" and I'd like to pass swiftly through it. Instead, I've got a whole new list of specialists to visit, so I think I'll be spending more time than I'd like here. ;)

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  16. Ellen- Ha! You crack me up! ;)

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  17. Sandra- You are more than welcome to hold my hand--I'll take as many hands as I can get. Consider ours held. Seems there are a lot of us in the same boat, cruising the specialist inter...workings?
    Joy of joys. :)

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  18. Loree- Diverticulitis is no small matter--glad to hear you have it under control. It's also on the suspect list in my case. That, and celiac, and oh, a whole list of other malcontents.

    We'll see... the holidays are going to slow the process, i'm guessing. Oh yeah, more time to fret before the poking and scoping. ;)

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  19. SF- Hand myself over to the docs... that just terrifies me. I'd be more willing to hand myself over to the psyche ward, actually. Maybe that's all I need--a good week or to on a nice quiet ranch. ;)

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  20. Leonora- That's funny! I wonder if I could book my procedures with my sister?? I'd love to make a day of it w/sis.

    Now you see, this is the kind of news that makes me all anxious: too much sedative. Oh, or too much air, or too much of anything else. My poor doc is going to hear an earful before we ever get started. But I'm an listening, yes, and I will go forth. And, well, I could also use a really good nap.

    Thanks, L. :)

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  21. Margie-!! Or and exclamation point! I don't like the work punctate. In fact, I'm thinking I should forego all punctuation marks from hereon in what say you :)

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  22. CMan- Sheesh! Are you deliberately attempting to add to my mound of anxiety?!!! Did you go in yet? I want to hear about yours. I'll tell (when it happens) if you tell. ;)

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  23. i know how you feel about doctors. i still haven't forgiven my parents for not purchasing the extended warranty when i was born.

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  24. ummm...errr...ahhh...hmmm, yes well....
    i...err...am lost heehee....i wish you well in tackling this most uncomfortable of conditions...something i will probably need to address myself in the near future ;)

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  25. It always feels weird to me to congratulate someone on doing something so eminently sensible as X (whatever X might be at the moment). But I will congratulate you, and thank you for putting our minds at rest.

    Figures of speech: as long as you're also talking punctuation, you might look into the F of S known as the apostrophe: addressing an inanimate object as if it were a person. This is always good for laughs (which you sound like you need) when the object is a body part, especially one's own. "O [_____], thou thing of inner beauty...!"

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  26. I'm the world's best patient, i let them do whatever ask for my drugs and then get on with it, but get what you need done done dig? If you need a reminder why i'll give you two: Max and Lulu.

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  27. I hardly ever go to doctors. It's such a boring waste of time to sit in the line in the waiting room (we have public health care and they're almost always an hour after time schedule. Last 15 years my only visits to the doctors and medical care has been with the kids (older boy's freestyle skiing gives some injuries; concussions, broken fingers ...). Hope you're feeling well soon >:)

    Cold As Heaven

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  28. Billy- HA! You can do that now, you know... Cord blood banks- but you have to get it fresh out of the womb. So, my kids are fresh outa luck--banking umbilical cord blood seemed like sic-fi to me back then. I wonder how many parents are buying that kind of insurance these days...

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  29. JES- HaHA! I looked back at my post and realized that I didn't even write the simile correctly--it should have been: A brush is like a pen is like a pencil is like a scope... or something like that. Apparently, I have a lot more brushing up to do. (But editing is not on my To Do list today.)

    You know, I'm going to have to mention your apostrophe example to my doc, now. But then, he probably already knows that all of our inner workings are pure poetry.

    (And I haven't actually done anything yet except to consult with the specialist, but I'll accept your congratulatory remarks as this was a rather big step for me!--and will pursue, of course, further, um, punctuation.)

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  30. Kono- I dig. I do. Thanks for that. (And for me, I guess that's what it takes--kids are the driving force.) ;)

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  31. Cold- As much as I don't like visiting the docs, I wouldn't advocate never going. A regular annual check-up is good preventative medicine. Wait time is always and issue, here, too. But it's worth it in the long run.

    But, hey, I'm not one to speak! Oh yes, and with the kids--a doctor's visit is never far off. ;)

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  32. Dan- um, eerr... exactly how I feel! Well, I suppose it's a small price to pay for still being here! Still. I. Do. Not. Like. ;)

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  33. Hmmm, let's see. I have been having these somewhat offbeat thoughts that the seat of our consciousness is actually in our stomach, which by that I guess I mean the whole GI tract.

    You know? I don't think I have this quite sorted out, yet, so I don't think I'll type more in that vein until I do!

    I'm sorry you've been in pain, honey. Try though, and I say this best I can without a smidgeon of irony, to grow still. From experience, I know just how impossible that feels to do but without going all spirit junkie on you, I just wonder if our abdomens would unfurl a bit if we grew still.

    Ugh, just reread this and hate how patronizing it sounds but I don't mean it that way.

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  34. I'm glad you're doing what needs to be done, dear Jayne. I. Do. Not. Like. Either. But. . . 'Tis very good to know you're taking care. And the stillness Suze just wrote about - yes to that, too, as an essential (if at times difficult-to-sustain) accompaniment. L, C x

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  35. I hope they find out the cause of your pain and find a simple way to treat it. Going to the Dr is from my perspective always awful.

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  36. Suze- So glad to have your entirely non-patronizing spirit junkieness here!
    Your thoughts are absolutely on the right tract, so to speak. Having had a long chat with my internist, I came away understanding that, indeed, all of our worries generally travel in two different directions- the head (migraines) and the gut (stomach/digestive disorders). It does make perfect sense, doesn't it. Those are the places we feel it.

    So, your prescription: growing still--it's a good remedy. I may need more than growing still, but it certainly helps to dump the noise, the chatter, the worries... helps tremendously when I can actually accomplish that! :)

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  37. Claire- You know, I think I dislike most the annoyance of it all--the time it takes away from other matters, the uncomfortable procedures, yada, yada, but I know, or I hope, it's well worth the time and annoyance. And if I grow still for a bit, I do feel strengthened by the stillness. (((())))

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  38. Laoch- Thanks, me too. Why do I have this fear that I'm going to hear, "It's all in your head" ??!! I suppose that wouldn't be the worst result, though, now would it? Then, all I have to do is hire a shrink. ;)

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  39. Max rocks. As for the poking and prodding, more fuel for writing, right? Right?! Creativity rises to the poke and prod. Anyway, I'm thinking of you, toots. Be well.

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  40. Maria- Ah, but (or is it butt?) of course! Never miss an opportunity to poke, prod and gather more fuel... ;)

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