Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Why I Don't Tweet

Artwork courtesy
I'm thinking maybe I should tweet. I'd probably get a lot more writing done if I were required to confine my words to no more than 140 characters. After about a year or so of daily tweeting, at a rate of at least once daily, I would have compiled 51,100 charactersenough to fill approximately seventeen pages of writing—and continuing at that feverish pace, it would take me about only seventeen years to write a book. A short book, albeit. Or five years to write an even shorter book. Like, maybe one you could wear on a necklace. Very. Short. 

A friend once invited me to tweet and so I did what any good friend would doI tried it. One little tweet on Twitter. A chirp really. Truly, compared to other folks who tweet, a very weak chirp. I soon discovered that in the tweeting world of Twitter, one must be continually witty and chipper. One must be armed with sassy, snarky, sunny, sage somethings to say. If one does not tweet as such, then it's simply depressing to the reader. Or worse, boring. In other words, one must be very interesting. And I think that the only people in the universe that I'm most likely interesting (notice no "very") to are my children; that is, in terms of making dinner, driving them to a friend's house, helping with homework, making sure soccer, lacrosse, track, basketball, etc. uniforms are ready for the game. Yes, then I am most interesting. Further, there is the problemand not a minor oneof multi-taskingwhich many a twit does take, and I am not a very good multi-tasker. I cannot tweet and blog, text and talk, squeak and squawk all at the same time. I. Just. Can't.

Or I will start to look like this:

The other piece of this, a rather substantial shim, is how incredibly easy it is to instantaneously shoot off every random, banal, unfiltered, uncensored thought in one's head to the entire world. The whole world. Global, that is. I don't think, under any circumstance, this is ever a good idea. Take it from me. Not. Good. Idea.

But wait, did you all know that there are actually Twitter coaches out there? Yup, like this one and this other one, with all kinds of tweet tips for you. Hmmm. Maybe I'm going to have to rethink this twitting twister. I might get that book done in more like... fifteen years? Re. Think.

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