Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Flash(card) Fiction

(À la 1960s) 
Because I am having too darn much fun with these...


Instructions:
Read between the lines.
(Or between the words, as the case may be.)


Very good. Now let's begin the story:

THE NEFARIOUS MR. BLANK 

(Though one would be forgiven for doubting the same.)

As it so happened the comedy, The Misanthropewas being shown in the local theatre, but Mr. Blank did not see the humor in it. It served, rather, to accelerate his aggravation.


Everyone in the theatre gasped and scrambled beneath their chairs. Great masses of popcorn were heaved in the air.

But I tried. 
He kept shooting. The police rushed to the theatre and quickly intervened. Mr Blank was wrangled  to the ground, cuffed and brought to the lockup...

...where he denied any involvement and fabricated many stories.

(Particularly for his roommate, who stopped by police headquarters to wish him well. )

Mr. Blank's posturing was to no avail. He was booked for possession of a deadly weapon 
with intent to  kill.

Mr. Blank was promptly tried for his crime before a jury of his peersincluding his roommate. The foreman, upon seeing Mr. Blank, thought him guilty. (Turns out, in this case, one could tell a book by its cover.)
Many peopleamong them, his roommatecarrying paddles, attended the courtyard celebration.

And also, 


What was it about this sentence that he could not understand? He tried. He tried.

Mr. Blank was escorted out of the courtyard. There was much pomp and circumstance.

Mr. Blank probably should have said that he was


Now Mr. Blank will have plenty of time to read Robert Frost and write parodies of many classic poems. Every now and then, his roommate will drop by with news of Saratoga and a paintbrush and canvas. They will never discuss politics.

THE END

35 comments:

  1. Bahahahahahaha...I love it!. It's kinda like a modernised version of the cut up fiction that Burroughs and Gysin used to use when they were zonked out of their gourds in North Africa.
    J girl you are one cool customer....they do look like fun :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. oh, i love this kind of stuff!
    those flash cards have a bit of a dark side, no? or perhaps they were subtly altered? great stuff either way. i dig creative out of the box (why does it have to be a box?) takes on writing. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. That was GENIUS! I enjoyed every word!
    (a funny story about that word, misanthrope. My good friend called me out of the blue to ask me what it meant, and I honestly thought she was poking fun at me...)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Dan- I just couldn't resist--those sentences are a hoot! But I promise I was perfectly sober when I pieced these together.

    I've no doubt, Dan, I just know you could take these cards to town. Do them more justice than I. I think you should get your own set and fiddle like Burroughs & buds did.

    Maybe we ought to resurrect that whole beat generation act. (Maybe that's already been done?) Maybe I'm thinking about this way too much and it's time for me to go to bed. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Id- They are dark! Mad Men is written all over them! Absolutely no alterations--pulled them straight out of the box. I mean, how could I improve on these cards?! (Oy, I've got a thousand of them, too!) ;~o

    ReplyDelete
  6. Nessa- That is funny! Now you can tell her about Mr. Blank. ;)
    Glad you liked it!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Wow, that is even better than Refrigerator Magnet Poetry. I need a set of those cards!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. This is great fun!
    You hardly ever hear a good word like "berserk" any more.

    ReplyDelete
  9. This was really cool. But I do feel sorry for Mr. Blank. Is that twisted or what?

    ReplyDelete
  10. Very clever idea. Mr Blank is just misunderstood.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I like Mr. Blank. Do you have an actor in mind for the movie version?

    ReplyDelete
  12. Robert- Aren't they fabulous. Here's another card:
    Celibacy. Celibacy is obligatory for Roman Catholic priests.

    Hahahahahaha! ;)
    (I do not want to write a story with that card.)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Leonora- Berserk-so true! What do we say now? Psycho, crazed, bonkers... I don't know, I'm going berserk trying to think of a word. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Angela dear-- You are a kind soul. I'll bet Mr. Blank would just love a visit from you.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Munk- Wow. Hmm... hadn't taken it that far. And I'm a little rusty in the actors department. I mean really, I'm looking at 1960's cards! How about Al Pacino? Loved that Dog Day Afternoon... ;-0

    ReplyDelete
  16. Dicky- Misunderstood misanthrope. There's a lot of those guys out there. I'm not sure how I feel about trying to understand... ;)

    ReplyDelete
  17. haha - so cool with these word cards in between...such fun!!!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Claudia- Honestly, I felt kind of like a silly school girl when I set out to do this. It was a little fancy and I didn't expect to get beyond the first card I plucked from the box. But, well I couldn't very well start with repeating instructions verbatim without moving forward! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  19. Laoch- Anything vintage inspires. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  20. Tee hee! That was a hoot and I'm very tempted to try my hand at it. Good chance it'll come out dark and quirky in my hands.

    ReplyDelete
  21. This was so clever! What a great story within those cards. Awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Multifarious is such an awesome word. Truly.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Lydia- Thanks. See, I'm working on fiction! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  24. DB- I quite agree. And I knew I could count on you to comment on the vocabulary words. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  25. Nance- You? Dark and quirky? Get those vocab cards out! (When you've nothing better to do--which, I can't imagine is ever). Maybe we can start a new trend. Ha! :/

    ReplyDelete
  26. That was so much fun to read! It reminded me of some writing games I used to play as a child. I can see you thoroughly enjoying yourself with the process of finding a story in the stack of cards. You might want to go into business reading people’s futures with those things;) Very clever Jayne. Wonderful!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Wow -- I'm speechless. That was too cool!

    ReplyDelete
  28. Catching up... this is pure-genius work. With that many cards on hand, I bet you could build a whole separate blog (dare I say "book"?) around these "found stories"!

    ReplyDelete
  29. Hahaha! But, OMG I can't believe there was a flash card that used berserk in a sentence that way! Imagine a card like that today. . .

    ReplyDelete
  30. Leah- Now that's an idea... fortune telling from flashcards! You think that would easily trend?

    What I love about these old cards is not only the formality but also the un-PC-ness of them. They are so radical! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  31. JES- Dare you say? Hmm... That's all I'll say. ;)

    No wait, I can't say only that! I love how you wrapped found stories in quotes. Makes me think of the chalk-pastel-on-black-paper art piece that Michael and I bought nearly 20 years ago at a small art gallery in Chicago. The painter, whose work was known as Georgeart, came to art late and was self-taught. He created colorful, whimsical pieces (reminiscent of Matisse, Gauguin and other French impressionists, post-impressionists) on "found paper"--often right out of the local paper mill's dumpster. We were both struck by his folky style and materials--it was the first piece of art we purchased together and it was affordable.

    Come to find out, George Colin's work has since become highly valued. Oprah Winfrey, Michael Jordan and some well-known politicians have purchased pieces. His art is on the cover of The Band's 1998 album, Jubilation. George went from laboring at the Pillsbury Mill to becoming an admired artist. It's just a fabulous story, isn't it?

    ReplyDelete
  32. Linda- I know! Not PC... no, no. Irreverent cards, they are.

    Thanks for the walk this morning. Cleared my head straight!

    ReplyDelete