You'd think, given the tingly excitement I felt when I jumped into this affair, I wouldn't neglect or forget you (although, I suppose I didn't think a date, a number, all that significant). June 4th came and went like the front yard's magnolia, a quiet salvo of pale color that tottered off so quickly I barely noticed its blooms. I slept in. I got caught up with Puccini while poaching eggs. I sipped thick tomato juice to quell the reverberating oscillation of June 3rd's mojitos. There was the sun, who had me potting cilantro and lavender. And the breeze, who forced me to take a long walk. The day—the bruit—instigated me with its business.
Lately, each day's been the same—demands keeping me from sailing on an even keel. In truth, there is no keel. It's been yanked from it's hull, sending me spinning against the wind. The sails can't catch their breath. The boom's gone crazy, nearly knocking me off the sloop. It's a vertigo inducing course that's neither rational nor apparent.
To be honest, looking back at those early days with you is a bit embarrassing. I was intimidated. I had no idea what to do with you, which quiet place to rendezvous, where we might be going (had we a future?), or why I was tacking the waters with you. Yet you were a compulsion—an urgent need to fill and to get over XYZ. (Though I couldn't shut up about XYZ—constant blubbering.) Like XYZ ever cared about me! You were the rebound affair—a rescue fantasy—you threw the orange lifesaver at me and I grabbed hold of it, naively believing it would save me from the usual conflict and emotional crises of love affairs. Still, I was aware of the odds: only one-fourth of relationships that begin as affairs succeed. And I was nervous.
But to reduce our liaison to simply a rescue is to dilute the truth. I'd always wanted you. I would have swum across the ocean for you.
Somewhere along the stretch of our evolving relationship I began to feel less jittery, less uncertain, became comfortable with you, slowed things down to a more thoughtful pace, and began to trust you. Trust me. Hey, this might work out after all. It turns out, the affair proved to be more than a fling. But comfort breeds complacency, and I fear I've missed the buoy this time.
So please forgive me, dear blog, and kindly accept this post—my 128th —as my belated Happy 1st Anniversary wish to you. And it comes with a present from sweet Cheryl, of The Art of Being Conflicted, who writes of the many matters that keep us at odds. I think, however, that she is funnier than she is conflicted.
Thank you, Cheryl, for this award—perfect timing, don't you think?—and for helping us celebrate the one year anniversary of Suburban Soliloquy. Phew. You know the year's been fortunate when you can happily carry on the dalliance despite the bug smear across the screen. (Don't worry, I'll clean it later.)
They say the first year is the hardest, right?
(Now, if only the waters calmed and I could find my damn keel.)
aw...Happy Anniversary Jayne! I would have never guessed your blog was so young! This is prompting me to hunt up your very first, just to see how far you've come.ReplyDelete
Well that was the best "To My Blog" letter I've ever read. Happy belated blogaversary! Looking forward to another year on this keel-less boat. Don't you just love drifting :)ReplyDelete
Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow
You sure do know how to whisper sweet nothings to an Internet site. Don't be surprised if it wakes you up in the morning with amorous groping (aka a flood of congratulatory comments).ReplyDelete
Congratulations on the anniversary! I confess that while I have rummaged around here, going back a few months prior to my first visit, I haven't gone back all the way to the beginning. I have a hard time imagining you intimidated by it; blogging does suit you so well, y'know?
Like Jules, I thought this was a really cool way to mark the occasion. My blog is jealous. (It just sniffed and struck a pose, looking all wounded and insufficiently appreciated. Thanks. Thanks a lot.)
Happy blogday, Jayne!ReplyDelete
The great things about our blogs is that they wait faithfully for us when we step away. I've learned to just do what I can -- make a reasonable effort and be at peace with it. Some blogging is better than none.ReplyDelete
Happy blogday (as one of your commenters spoke) or anniversary. whichever applies. blogs have flows and when the flow is slow and low, that's OK. soon enough it will pick back up.ReplyDelete
Nessa- I think I should delete the first half year of this blog! Don't look--I warn you! ;)ReplyDelete
Jules- Thank you for your "blogavesary" wishes. Now I know how to celebrate the milestone.
And yes--love to drift, seems to come quite naturally. ;)
Congrats, we're a bit neglectful of our blogs lately. Summer is just too distracting.ReplyDelete
Happy Blogiversary! Maybe it's belated, but still we celebrate! Cheers!ReplyDelete
I imagine since today's imagery is sloop-oriented, I should toast with rum.
That was a very sweet ode to your blog! Loved this post.ReplyDelete
(Me and mine - we're having a trial separation I think. Probably in need of mediation!)
JES- I'll take the groping. :)ReplyDelete
But I warn you not to go further back than a few months (I think that is when things finally jelled here for me). It's a sad string of entries. A complete waste of any reader's time.
Now your blog... your blog needn't have a pang of envy. Your blog's all bronzed and glowing like a Greek god. Like Apollo. He knows what he's doing. ;)
That's a lovely post on your relationship with your blog.
Dale- Thank you. :-)ReplyDelete
Cassandra- They do don't they? Thank goodness I won't need to consult any lawyers.
Ellen- So true--the ebb and flow of blogging, writing, life itself. I have a feeling there'll be more ebbing. Summer's on its way!
Christopher- Summer does lead to wanderlust, now doesn't it? I'm looking forward to spending a little more time with my kids.ReplyDelete
DB- Yes! Rum Swizzle, Flip, Runner... Happy to share it with you. Ouch, it's a hot one here today.:)
SF- No! Seek counseling! I'm rooting for you to stay together. (I do know what you mean, though-- sometimes a little separation can be most advantageous.) ;)
Duta- Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it. :)ReplyDelete
Haaaaaaaaaaaa, oh I so loved this post - what a wonderfully witty, clever gift you've wrapped up for us! many, many happy returns, dear lady - here's hoping for many more to come, I raise my glass (ching-ching)!!ReplyDelete
Shrinky- I can hear the clinking from across the pond... Thank you! :-)ReplyDelete
I'll be back to read;)
long may you run.
Antares- Merci beaucoup!ReplyDelete
BP- With the chrome heart shining in the sun... ;)
Happy blogaversary! Enjoy your summer!!!ReplyDelete
This is one of the most clever one year old announcements I've ever read. I could see it coming a few sentences in and marveled at how well you played with the concept of the blogging relationship. Well done and congratulations. The blogosphere is a much better place having you in it. Wishing you many, many more years.ReplyDelete
Lin Ann, my friend, I plan to! (And I'm sure I'll see you around.) :-)ReplyDelete
Hilary- Thank you so much! There is an interesting dynamic to the blogging relationship--very similar to that of the love affair. Comes with all the same ups and downs, desires to share and to be alone! I do enjoy the togetherness aspect of it. ;)ReplyDelete
Oh,Jayne, I am late wishing you Happy Blogaversary!! That will teach me to not be diligent with my reading. One year...way to go. I loved your post. You have such an art for turning a descriptive phrase. Truly, you are such a talent. Also, thank you for the kind words. Your are as nice as you are talented.ReplyDelete
As the Pacific Northwest sun shines through my office window onto my back I concede that it truly is much easier to blog during the Winter than the Spring. I fully expect Summer to stretch the timeliness of my blog as well.ReplyDelete
No doubt this is the start of something big for you.ReplyDelete
Cheryl- :-). See, didn't I say sweet? Thank you sweet, Cheryl. And hugs for handing me that award. Means a lot to me.ReplyDelete
Robert- Don't you have a lovely office! With that view, I can't imagine how you wouldn't hang a Gone Fishing sign for a while. I think I'm going to be hanging a sign for a little while this summer. Those kids are growing up fast...ReplyDelete
Laoch- You think so? I only I knew what! ;)ReplyDelete
Sometimes one has to just enjoy the ride, even when it's a little wild.ReplyDelete
One year is an achievement, somewhere between expression and addiction, n'est-ce pas? ;)
I can't believe I've made it through 4 months, you give me hope that I might aim for a year. Haven't even gotten to the science posts and now it's outdoor and art season, which....where was I?
Happy Anniversary Jayne,ReplyDelete
You are such a flirt…and a romantic. I love how you weave your words. I think I may have fallen for you. Keep the flame burning…we all love you so much.
Oh, Jayne, Happy Anniversary! You're a seasoned pro. It's wonderful to read the lush, rich thoughts of your beautiful brain. So good to have you here.ReplyDelete
We don't have to call them blogiversaries, do we? Congratulations, Jayne. It is, as A-C said, between addiction and expression. My blog had been in existence perhaps a year and a half before I felt a strong wish to take it more seriously, commit to a minimum number of posts per month. I believe life tells us what is needed, usually without much advance warning. So we just move forward one step, one post, at a time, trusting we grow stronger and more clear. You have nothing to worry about here.ReplyDelete